When I was a young idiot kid we used to drink too many beers and order Chinese food delivery late at night. And things got a little strange. This section is going to be devoted to stories about those adventures. Hopefully I can remember them. Because some pretty sweet and some pretty upsetting stuff happened. All based around ordering chinese food delivery. Talk about stupid.RIDE HOME
One night a while back me and my friend had a whole bunch of beers at this bar and, being responsible, started walking home. We were doing your standard hammered dude sign smacking, parking meter hopping and tackling eachother into bushes. Low and behold we baboon-walk right past me and my friends favorite chinese food delivery store, The Dragon Fast Food. Nice! So we march ourselves right in, start screaming and place the order. I think it was something like five orders of General Gaus Chicken, 7 orders of Crab Rangoons, 4 large orders of Beef Sticks, and 23 sides of Duck Sauce. By friend told me I must have screamed "Hey, chief! make sure theres Duck Sauce in your bags!!" like 47 times. In the back there was this jolly old chinese fry chef laughing and giggling with his eyes closed at everything we yelled. It was pretty fun, the guy didn't care what we yelled, it was all funny to him. All of a sudden we look at each other and start thinking. This guy easily delivers to us every thursday, friday and saturday night, right? How about this asshole gives us a ride home. So we start screaming "Hey boss, your easily giving us a ride home! you would easily be delivering anyways to our house!". Right now a ride would be awsome too, because we lived like another mile and a half down the road and we both knew that either the food, us or both were 100% ending up smashed and in the bushes if we walked the stuff home.
The delivery lady started nervously laughing and thought for a second. I could tell all she was thinking about was my friend screaming, flicking her ears and eye raking her from the back seat while I cranked up the radio and blew butts in her face the whole way. And she knew the food was probably going to be ground right into her brand new floor matts. So she said no. But more like "Me no give you ride home! you walk!" So we walked.
The food was good, ended up all over our couch and the floor and we went to bed.
Thanks Chinese Food Delivery for another good night. See ya later!
DECK PORCH FUN
Insert slow motion video clip of me and my friend head locking the chinese food delivery lady here. here
VOICEMAIL
Ya, so after about four years of living with my friends and ordering a whole ton of chinese food I decided to move on and live somewhere else by myself. But the joy of ordering late night chinese food wasn't over yet. So one night i'm smashing back beers and pissing off my neighbors with loud music or playing my guitar too loud and it's time to order chinese food. So I place the order and get my money ready. Next thing I know I wake up like six hours later sideways on my couch with no smashed chinese food anywhere. I knew something was wrong. I take a quick glance at my phone and I have like 11 missed calls, all from the chinese food place. 3 new voicemails. Uh oh. So I check the voicemails. NICE! A very upset chinese food delivery man followed by an even more upset chinese food phone order lady. They were screaming and yelling about where I was and I better come to the door. I can't believe I don't still have those voicemails or they would easily be sound clipped right under this story. Damn it.
That was probably the dumbest story anybody has ever typed into a blog. Check out my sea trunk section for more sweet shit.
